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Jill Duggar's Wedding, a two hour special episode of TLC's 19 Kids & Counting, shocked and rocked me Tuesday night with its utter disregard for sacred tradition.

Jill Duggar – who did not kiss her groom Derick Dillard until they were declared man and wife and had chaperones at her side for every date and Skype conversation during their courtship after her dad fixed them up– made me scream louder than Emily Post at an orgy when she walked into the church on the day of her wedding hand in hand with her groom.

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The time-honored custom of the bride and groom not seeing each other until the walk down the aisle was thrown to the winds like so much cheap confetti as the rebellious couple spent their wedding morning getting ready together. An openly defiant Jill even shaved Derick's face for him while alerting her elderly relatives that she truly did not give a fuck what they thought about it.

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At the top of the article you can see the "first look" photo session with Derick. Jill thought it would be more romantic for him to see her in her wedding dress for the first time in the back of some parking lot instead of walking down the aisle. I know first look photo sessions are catching on amongst our unruly, shortsighted youth but outré, I call it.

Even setting aside the superstition that seeing each other before the ceremony is bad luck, It's just better theater to make a big entrance with the music cuing and the whole crowd turning and the double doors flying open. My sense of spectacle is truly, madly, deeply offended by all that thunder getting stolen.

But hey, maybe there was already so much anticipation sizzling between these two that escalating it even slightly would have caused their genitals to literally explode in front of their 1,000 guests and 200 volunteer wedding workers. I'm not a medical professional, but they are both virgins, they don't even frontal-hug, and the kiss at the altar isn't just their first kiss together, it's the first kiss ever for both of them. Their bodies were clearly quivering with more than just the fear of the Lord when that smoocheroo came to pass:

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Wow, Jim Bob's "you may kiss the bride" pronouncement sent a shiver of revulsion through not just my body but also my soul. Moving on.

The last thing I expected watching this wedding special was to be shocked by something other than Jim Bob or the footwear, so I give you points for surprising me Jill Dillard. Also you looked gorgeous, congratulations to you and your handsome new owner. Now go get that sweet sweet marriage-bed dick, baby girl! Your family is expecting babies in 3-4 months.

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